Tackling Difficult Conversations with Empathy and Curiosity

Lick was founded with the intention of being a progressive, experiential learning environment. The school invites students from a variety of backgrounds who bring different ideas to the classroom. With so many worldviews under one roof, conversations about current events can be difficult. Lick students have the opportunity to converse about difficult topics on a deep level, but do they?

Christy Godinez Jackson, Director of Student Inclusion, Leadership and Civic Engagement, says someone must be empathetic to be a good communicator.

“[You have to be] able to understand someone’s pain by really trying to step in someone’s shoes,” Godinez said.

Choosing empathy can be tough, especially when one feels personally attacked or offended. One way Godinez advises students to communicate when they are hurt is to ask, “What made you say that?”

Godinez shared a story of a disagreement she had years ago with a colleague over a discrepancy in their beliefs. After learning about his upbringing, family, and worldview, Godinez was able to better understand his perspective. Godinez thinks about this interaction every day, reminding her that there is always a story behind what someone says.

Tamisha Williams, Dean of Adult Equity and Inclusion, adds that by advising students to challenge themselves to partake in   “awkward conversations” each day. Challenging conversations can be uncomfortable, especially if one feels as though they are an outsider and offer an unpopular opinion.

Williams explains that she has a responsibility to “center the most vulnerable,” who she defines as  “individuals who, based on their identity markers, society creates very clear barriers for because of systems of power, privilege, and oppression.” Creating an open space to hear the stories of those who are marginalized is an important initiative at Lick to bridge divides amongst those with different perspectives. Williams referenced this inclusive space as the “middle ground” that Lick students struggle to find. Due to the reality that solutions brought up in a large forum tend to be overwhelming, Williams promotes the need for conversations to be processed in a more intimate environment.

A group of students discuss the recent Kavanaugh trial in the Center. photo by Nick Hoffner

Monica West, a 9th Grade English Teacher, proposes that having an outside professional visit and instruct students in how to handle difficult conversations may be the best way to facilitate this “middle ground.” Student leaders and teachers receive this type of training, but the entire student body needs this education to create the baseline empathy that our school requires to live up to its mission.

In West’s classroom, before jumping into a piece such as Rebecca Solnit’s, “Men Explain Things to Me,” she warns students that the piece will elicit many contradictory responses. The warning opens the opportunity for students to welcome and to respect their own reactions and to listen to the perspectives of others. If during a discussion about the essay, a student says something unfounded that triggers offense in class, she would ask the student to look for evidence to back up their claim. West believes teaching students to use solid evidence is important. “Push beyond an emotion or an opinion and support everything that you say.” In seeing if they can truly justify their assertions, students have the opportunity to reflect on their beliefs.

Ryan Kimball ‘17, wrote an essay in his junior year at Lick about the rise of ISIS and the Iraq war. Kimball describes how challenging it was to write about the choices of the Bush and Obama administrations. In his work,  Kimball made assertions about both presidents’ decisions, many of which differed from those of some faculty members and students. Kimball expected his conclusion to be contested. Writing and presenting the piece was demanding, but he says it felt good to explore the facts, create his argument, and voice his opinion. This paper is one of the “pieces [he] was most proud of.” Kimball’s piece was met with backlash and ridicule. On a social media site, Kimball was called “racist” by another student at Lick. He was left “hurt” and “stunned.”

The lack of communication and resulting acrimonious conflict in instances such as this made it hard for the class of 2017 to find community.

If the class of 2017 had employed Godinez, Wiliams, and West’s strategies, they could have better appreciated the varying beliefs and values present in the class. They could have grown stronger from their vulnerabilities in exploring and understanding their disagreements. As a community comprised of hundreds of unique backgrounds, the Lick student body needs to value and partake in more thoughtful conversation to tackle today’s pressing issues.

Nick Hoffner
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