America Votes Kanye West Into the Oval Office

Kanye West. Image courtesy of Youtube
Kanye West. Image courtesy of Youtube

WASHINGTON D.C. – By 11pm ET on Tuesday night, CNN had already projected that singer and fashion designer Kanye West would be the next President of the United States. The final votes were tallied and West was confirmed to have won the election early Wednesday morning. President-elect West, who insisted on giving his victory speech Monday night – before the majority of the votes had been cast – called himself “God’s vessel” and proceeded to say that he will “go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade,” and be “the loudest voice.”

In the week following Election Day, critics have voiced concerns about West’s lack of confidence, calling him “soft-spoken” and “self-deprecating.” West’s manager and mother-in-law, Kris Jenner, who is also in the running to be West’s Chief of Staff, released a statement Wednesday on behalf of her son-in-law, saying that West was “humbled to have been elected and ready to collaborate with the Trump administration to facilitate the peaceful transfer of power.” Moments later, West tweeted “I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things now. #watchoutTrump #yeezus.”

Also under fire is the country’s new First Lady Kim Kardashian, who stood beside her husband in a latex bodysuit and clear Perspex boots during his victory speech at Madison Square Garden. Kardashian, who met First Lady Melania Trump on the National Mall Thursday afternoon, was reportedly unpleasantly surprised upon realizing that the two would not be shopping. She also released a tweet, voicing her disgust: “Tfw America calls a tiny lap pool a mall. #confused.” When asked if the acclaimed series Keeping Up With the Kardashians would continue to air during West’s term, First Lady Kardashian answered, “Oh like definitely.” Kardashian’s mother, Kris Jenner, sisters, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian, half-sisters, Kendall and Kylie Jenner, Kourtney’s ex-boyfriend and baby daddy, Lord Scott Disick, and best friend, Jonathon Cheban are all reported to be preparing for the move to the White House. Kylie Jenner has already announced plans to visit the presidential dwelling via Instagram. Cosmopolitan Magazine has speculated that Kylie is working on a new lip kit collection featuring shades from the White House’s color scheme with names such as, President Yeezy, White House Party, and FLOTU$.

In the week following the election, news organizations, such as CNN, Fox, TMZ, and E! have interviewed a number of West supporters, asking them why they decided to cast their vote for the president elect. Almost every interviewee agreed that he was simply more trustworthy and qualified than his opponent, Former Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi. When asked which of West’s traits she admired most, one supporter responded “He knows how to perform and that is a really important trait. I mean, when it comes to the really serious issues, he just ignores them and talks about himself instead and that is what I’m looking for in a leader.” Another supporter noted his “dopeness” as his reasoning for casting a vote for West. Fellow singer Taylor Swift also voiced her support via Twitter, saying “He made me famous, so #Imwithhim.”

While President Elect West has not officially announced any of his policy ideas, it is reported that West has plans to change the Pledge of Allegiance’s line “One nation, under God” to “One nation, under Yeezus.” It is also believed that West will be changing the national anthem from “The Star Spangled Banner” to his hit song “Stronger,” as a “power move.” West’s fans, who voted for him on the basis of wanting change, are eagerly awaiting his swearing in in January. In the meantime, the Trump administration will be working quickly to fulfill the campaign promises that President Trump has been putting off for the past four years.

Jill Reilly
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    • Jill Reilly

      Jill Reilly is Co-editor of the Politics section, as well as a Co-managing Editor of the Paper Tiger. This is her second year on the newspaper’s staff. Jill began writing journal entries at a young age and has loved writing ever since. Her favorite literary genre is poetry. In her spare time, she enjoys running, foodstagramming, and hanging out with Back Page Editor, Maya Rich.

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    Jill Reilly

    Jill Reilly is Co-editor of the Politics section, as well as a Co-managing Editor of the Paper Tiger. This is her second year on the newspaper’s staff. Jill began writing journal entries at a young age and has loved writing ever since. Her favorite literary genre is poetry. In her spare time, she enjoys running, foodstagramming, and hanging out with Back Page Editor, Maya Rich.